GT
by LightningstormZero
Summary: A parody of ET. Check out all the latest gossip on GT, the Gossip show that gives you the latest know. Accepting Ocs, stories, and reporters. You guys are the reporters! Warriors Copyright Erin Hunter. Correspondents now needed.
1. Pilot Episode

**I got the idea of this story from The View and ET. It's basically a gossip show for the warriors cats.**

Jayfeather: Hello, and welcome to GT, Gossip tonight! I'm your host, Jayfeather, and welcome to the show that gives you a full update on everything happening with the stars!

Cinderheart: And I'm his co-host, Cinderheart!

Jayfeather: We know, you stupid _mrrow_!

Cinderheart: *gasps* Jayfeather, I never jnew you could be so offensive!

Jayfeather: Well that's how I am!

Cinderheart: *weeping* To think I once had kits with you!

Jayfeather: *confused* I didn't have kits with you

Cinderheart: Uh, oh. You weren't supposed to hear that...

Jayfeather: Why not, Cinderheart?

Cinderheart: Let's just say that I had a large supply of poppy seeds, and that what I did to you is illegal for twolegs...

Jayfeather: I'm going to kill you after the show...

Lionblaze: Hi! I'm main reporter and part of the main camera crew

Icecloud: Hi! I'm the second main reporter and I have a crush on Lionblaze!

Lionblaze: Icecloud, who doesn't know that?

Icecloud: You, because you won't ask me out!

Lionblaze: I have crushes too!

Jayfeather: Anyway, let's go to StarWatch! Yesterday, we caught two naughty stars at a bar in ThunderClan. If you guessed Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw, you've guessed right! Let's go to Scorchwillow with the story.

Scorchwillowe: *at a bar in ThunderClan* Thanks Jayfeather. Well folks, it seems that Brambleclaw has forgiven Squirrelflight for the biggest scandal in the history of mating season!

Here today, we have Squirrelflight, ready for an interview. Tell me, Squirrelflight, what happened last night?

Squirrelflight: *next to Scorchwillow* Well, Scorchwillow, last night, I had the bartender take a video of the night, and I'll tell you about he events before.

Well, I went to Willowpelt last night, and I asked her to teach me the art of seduction. After gruesome hours of training, she told me to test my skills out, and eventually, I went to different bar with Crowfeather. After an hour or so, he was so drunk that he finally mated with me, and I am now carrying his kits.

Then I went to the bartender and asked him to take a video of the night. He obliged, for a fee.

Scorchwillow: What was the fee?

Squirrelflight: I had to sleep with him.

Scorchwillow: ...

Squirrelflight: Well, anyway, I have the tape here for all you at home.

Scorchwillow: Great! *puts on tape*

Squirrelflight walks into a bar with Brambleclaw beside her.

"Hey, Bartender! Can we have the strongest wine you've got?" she asks. Brambleclaw raises his eyebrow, but dosen't say anything.

The bartender brings the shots, and Squirrelflight immediately downs hers. She gives Brambleclaw a look that says, _well, _and he downs his too. They order more and more until, Brambleclaw has a hangover. They're both very close, until the closeness becomes hugging, then kissing, then making out, then mating.

Scorchwillow: Three toms in one day?

Squirrelflight: *giddy* Yep!

Scorchwillow: And you know that you're having three sets of kits?

Squirrelflight: Yep!

Scorchwillow: Can you teach me the art of seduction?

Squirrelflight: Yep!

Scorchwillow: Can you only say 'yep' right now?

Squirrelflight: Yep!

Scorchwillow: Can you give me 10 million?

Squirrelflight: Nope!

Scorchwillow: Dang it... Back to you, Jayfeather!

Jayfeather: *In studio* Thanks, Scorchwillow! Anyway, We need more reporters, so please give us your OC reporters, and send in any news you have. Thanks for watching, and have a good night trying not to get killed by Dark Forest Wannabees.

Tigerstar: *watching from Dark Forest on a couch* Hey! We're not wannabees! Are we mommy?

Leopardfoot: *visiting Tigerstar; on the same couch* Yes, sonny! You're the biggest wannabee in the world! You make Ravenpaw look like a heavyman!

Hawkfrost: *comes in with a beer can* (whistling)

Leopardfoot: You too!

Hawkfrost: *staring at Leopardfoot, confused* ...

**Well, you heard them. I want you guys to give in Ocs, pairings, stories.**

**Ex. **

**Pairing: HeatherxLion and i'll do a story about it**

**Story 1: Heather and Lion at the movies and I'll do a story about it**

**Story 2: Bluestar: And I'll do a story about her; you can give details, like buying a newspaper, or new manniqin**

**See you next time, on GT, exclusively on the Lightningstorm channel!**


	2. Episode 2: The Interview

Jayfeather: Hello again to GT! Today we have three exciting stories for you guys at home

Cinderheart: *moping* And I have to pack my bags and move out before Jayfeather kills me

Jayfeather: Anyway, we have a great interview for you guys today; Ashfur is finally speaking out on his side of the great love triangle between Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, and him. Let's go to Featherheart for the story.

Featherheart: *On a U-shaped couch with Ashfur on the other side* Thanks, Jayfeather! Here we have Ashfur, subject of torment to Squirrelflight and Brambeclaw's marriage. Tell me, Ashfur, what did you think at yesterday's story?

Ashfur: Thanks, Featherheart. Well, at yesterday's story, I seriously wanted to kill them both

Featherheart: Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight?

Ashfur: Yep! Squirrelflight especially. She's the new player in the city. She did three toms in one day! I mean, how many toms have you done in one day?

Featherheart: *nervous**scoots closer to Ashfur* umm, none...

Ashfur: Really? *scoots closer to Featherheart* Well, anyway, see where their being mates took the clans! Hollyleaf is a mad murderer, The Dark Forest Wannabees have taken over the force, and Star Wars has practically no fans since Brambleclaw picked up a PlayTom magazine. Speaking of PlayTom, Thornclaw's three kits were born yesterday from Pinky. Their names are Snuffles, Buffles, and Truffles

Featherheart: *mutters* nice. Anyway, here's some questions everyone wants to know. First; What did you first feel when Squirrelflight dumped you?

Ashfur: Horrible. I wanted to kill her. If I couldn't have her, no one could.

Featherheart: What about when she had her kits?

Ashfur: I felt dissapointed. I felt that I should've asked her to be my mate sooner.

Featherheart: When they were Leafpool's kits?

Ashfur: I was dead then.

Featherheart: How about when Hollyleaf died?

Ashfur: I was immensely overjoyed; I hated her.

Featherheart: Did you love Hollyleaf?

Ashfur: *eyes dart around the room and he starts to fidget* No...

Featherheart: And finally, the question that all cats have been waiting for you to answer: Have you got a special someone in your life?

Ashfur: Why, yes, I do. My bloody foot.

Featherheart: Wha?

Ashfur: I vowed never to love again after Hollyleaf- I mean after Leopardstar- died.

All she-cats of the world: ...

Ashfur: It's the truth!

All She-cats of the world: *sobbing* But we loved you!

Featherheart: *faces camera* Well, you heart it here cats. Back to you, Jayfeather.

Jayfeather: Thanks, Featherheart. Anyway, we have some breaking news from StarClan. It seems that Bluestar has made up with Oakheart and are planning to get married on Valentime's day. We sent Icecloud and Fallenshadow to the scene to check out this rumor.

Fallenshadow: *in Bluestar's house* Thanks, Jayfeather. Here, me and Icecloud are here to check out this rumor. Let's check to Icecloud, who has Oakheart there.

Icecloud: *In Oakheart's house* Thanks, Fallenshadow. So, Oakheart, are the rumors true? Are you getting married to Bluestar again?

Oakheart: No comment

Icecloud: Why did you divorce in the first place?

Oakheart: No comment

Icecloud: Have you already have three kits?

Oakheart: NO COMMENT! NOW GET OUT!

Icecloud: *rushes out* Back to you, Fallenshadow

Fallenshadow: Thanks, Icecloud. So Bluestar, Is it true?

Bluestar: Yes.

Fallenshadow: There you have it, Jayfeather. A wedding on the day of love. Now back to you.

Jayfeather: Thanks, Fallenshadow. Anyway, we have a story sure to shock you. Leafpool has been found in disguise at a restaurant with Brambleclaw. They ate their food, and then shared the impossible. A kiss. This means that Brambleclaw is now cheated on the two sisters.

Cinderheart: Thanks for coming. now good night, and see you next time on GT. Make sure not to be eaten by wannabee badgers!

Badger: *watching from its cave* I'm not a wannabee!

Tigerstar: *enters the cave* I'm with you, buddy.

**I could still use stories and reporters. And remember, every reporter will be used.**

**Poll: What team are you on for the Super Bowl?**


	3. Episode 3: Lionblaze's love life

Jayfeather: Welcome back to GT, and have we got a story for you today!

Cinderheart: *On a gurney in a full body cast* Yes we do Jayfeather! But first, we have four new reporters: Ravenfeather, Icestream, Fernpool and Smokeclaw. Now let's go to-

Jayfeather: Ravenfeather with some breaking news from RiverClan.

Cinderheart: *pouting* But that was my line!

Jayfeather: You broke the code! Your lines don't matter!

Cinderheart: You have no idea how much you just sounded like Hollyleaf

Jayfeather: I'm her sister! Duh duh duh!

Cinderheart: That sounds like Hollyleaf too...

Jayfeather: And your stupider than Snowtuft and Shredtail!

Snowtuft: *Watching from dark forest on a sofa with Shredtail next to him; both holding upside-down beer cans(has an iddiot accent like patrick)* Hey! We're not stu-pid!

Shredtail: Yeah! Hey, why's there no popper on this beer?

Snowtuft: It must be a factory reject; boy, they think we're stupid enough to take it!

Shredtail: Yeah, all you gotta do is stab it! *stabs it and the can starts squirting out at him* AHHH!

Ravenfeather: Hello, I'm Ravenfeather at RiverClan, where Mistystar has claimed that Mosskit is still alive. Is Mosskit still alive? Or has RiverClan been eating bad fish? True or False? Real or Hallucination? I'm Ravenfeather reporting for GT.

Mistystar: Hi! I'm Mistystar! *turns to Reedwhisker* And hon, you shoudn't have given me 10 cans of beer before the broadcast

Reedwhisker: Sorry, Mommy...

Ravenfeather: So, Mistystar, can you tell us what you found in Mosskit's grave?

Mistystar: Sure, but first let me tell you about what I want to do right now... Reedwhisker, get the sheets!

Reedwhisker: Yes, Mommy!

Mistystar: Anyway, I want to grab Crowfeather by the ...

_Four Hours later: Everyone is staring at Mistystar with opened mouths. THey are all shocked by her 'statement'_

Ravenfeather: Mistystar, I never knew you could think such... seductive... thoughts

Mistystar: When I'm drunk I do

Ravenfeather: Anyway, can you show us what you found?

Mistystar: Sure, right after I tell you what I did to Firestar. We met after the gathering and then he started touching my...

Ravenfeather: *shocked* JUST SHOW US THE D**N CORSPE ALLREADY YOU DRUNKEN *****!

Mistystar: Okay, Okay! *pulls out a frozen solid arced cat*

Ravenfeather: *face-palms; irritated* Have you noticed that its snowing?

Mistystar: *innocently* yes

Ravenfeather: And that the ground is freezing?

Mistystar: Yes

Ravenfeather: AND THAT THIS IS MOSSKIT'S FROZEN CORSPE!

Mistystar: Yes.

Ravenfeather: THEN WHY DID YOU BRING US HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Mistystar: I wanted to tell you what I wanted to do to Crowfeather and what me and Firestar did.

Ravenfeather: Back to you, Jay

Jayfeather: Thanks. And now we bring you a story about some of our reporters here.

Cinderheart: *sweating heavily*

Jayfeather: Last night, at the ShadowClan border, Cinderheart and Lionblaze were making out, which was seen by Icecloud.

Cinderheart: *sweating even heavier*

Jayfeather: They were making out for the next couple of hours, and Icecloud 'let the fumes escape' a couple of times; they did not notice.

After the seventh hour, the making out turned to mating, and Icecloud attacked, claiming quote "He is my man. Tom. Whatever. I saw him first." Here we have the tape.

_Rolling..._

_Jayfeather making out with a Stick. He says, "Oh your much better than Sticky! Let's get a room!"_

Jayfeather: Wrong Video!

_Rolling... At a Justin Bieber concert_

_"And I was like Baby, baby, yo!"_

_"YEAH! GO JUSTIN!" Cinderheart screeches. Justin blows her a kiss, and she faints. Lionblaze is next to her, stiff as a frozen yogurt, jealous._

Cinderheart: Wrong Video

_Rolling... At a Taylor Swift Concert_

_Thornclaw and Pinky in the crowd._

_"You remember, we were sitting there by the water."_

_"No, no I don't" Thornclaw says._

_Pinky says, "GO TAYLOR, GO TAYLOR!"_

_Snuffles, Buffles and Truffles jumping up and down. "TAYLOR, WE WANT TO MARRY YOU! WE DON'T CARE IF YOU CHEAT THREE WAY!"_

Fernpool: Wrong Video!

_Rolling... In Truffles' room_

_Truffles is making out with a Justin Bieber poster._

_Buffles is making out with a Lady GaGa poster._

_Snuffles is making out with a Iyaz poster._

_"I'm sorry I'm cheating on you, Taylor!" they all yell._

Jayfeather: Totally wrong video!

_Rolling... In StarClan, in Bluestar's house_

_Mosskit is flipping through channels on a sofa. Bluestar is next to her._

_"Hey mommy! Can we watch Percy Jackson?" she asks Bluestar._

_"Yes Dearie," _

_They start watching. Two seconds later..._

_"Hey mommy, what's that one guy doing to that girl?" Mosskit asks._

_"Oh, no," Bluestar says, covering Mosskit's eyes with her paws. "That's not Percy Jackson! How about we switch you to Teletubbies?"_

_"No! I want to see what happens! I don't know what they're doing, but it gives me cravings!" Mosskit says._

_"How about some scat?" Bluestar asks, holding out the book._

_"Ew, you want me to eat poop? Mommy, how could you?" Mosskit asks, disgusted._

_"But-" Bluestar starts, but is stopped by Mosskit._

_"No! No more buts! Well, not the hindcorners type but the other kind."_

_"Don't you mean Hind_quarters_?" Bluestar asks._

_"Yeah, that. Hey! No talking!" Mosskit says indignatly._

_"Did you just 'no talking' me? Only Thisleclaw does that!" Bluestar says._

_"You mean my vicious, abusive, force-matist, Step-father that tried to Force-mate you twice, that cheated on you by your sister, and that you now use his picture as Warning Labels?" Mosskit asked matter-of-factly._

_"Yes, yes he is." _

Lionblaze: That video was wronger than me and Icecloud mating.

_Rolling... In the apprentice's den in ThunderClan_

_Lionpaw and Honeypaw are making out in a nest, with Honeypaw on top. Berrypaw, Mousepaw, Hazelpaw, Poppypaw, Cinderpaw, Jaypaw, and Hollypaw are all watching. _

_"What the... ****!" Mousepaw curses._

_"They don't even know each other!" Berrypaw says._

_"Yes they do," Hollypaw comments. "They've known each other since birth, and have been dating since they were apprentices. Like, seriously, the second they became apprentice, Lionpaw asked her out."_

_"Wow." Mousepaw whistles. _

_"WHAT THE HECK WERE THEY THINKING?'' yelled Hazelpaw._

_"Is that even legal?" Berrypaw asks in a small voice._

_Honeypaw and Lionpaw turn around and start making out in a different pose; laying down each other._

_"Ewww!" Hollypaw squeals, raising a paw to over the scene. Many others do the same._

_"Will the treachary ever stop?" Cinderpaw wails._

_Daisy then walks into the den and earn cheers from the apprentices. She puts Honeypaw on top Lionpaw again, and the apprentices groan._

Lionblaze: WRONG SCENE! WRONG SCENE! Though I do like her better than any of you two.

Ice&Cinder: HEY!

Lionblaze: It's true! The only reason me and Cinderheart were making out-

Cinderheart: mating

Lionblaze -mating is because we were high off these berries ShadowClan gave us.

Cinderheart: Not me so much.

Lionblaze: Still, the only reason you guys have a chance is because Honeyfern is in France!

Cinderheart: Wait.

Lionblaze:What's wrong?

Cinderheart:You were dating me when you were dating her!

And now I will sing a song about it!

_I thought you you were nice_

_But your just a big jerk_

_You cheated on me_

_And broke my heart_

_So now I will call you..._

_A TWO TIMIN PIG!_

_A DOUBLE TIMIN CHEATA!_

_A DOUBA DOUBA CHEATA_

_THATS WHY I WANNA BEAT YA!_

_PEACE OUT SUCKAS!_

Jayfeather: Wow.

Lionblaze: I didn't date you until Honeyfern left for France.

Cinderheart: Oh, yeah! Sorry about that.

_Rolling... The ShadowClan border_

_Cinderheart and Lionblaze are making out. Icecloud is in the bushs_

_TEN HOURS LATER_

_Cinderheart and Lionblaze are mating, and Icecloud is 'letting the fumes run.' Icecloud then jumps out and attacks Cinderheart. They are pulled apart by Lionblaze. The screen then goes fuzzy._

Icecloud: I hate that!

Jayfeather: Let's play truth or dare, the show's over, so we can play!

Everyone in the studio: YEAH!

Cinderheart: I'm going first!

Honeyfern: *appears in the studio with a feather boa around her neck and green shopping bags; has a english accent* I'm back!

Cinderheart and Icecloud's mouths drop.

Lionblaze: Honey! *walks up to Honeyfern and starts making out with her*

*Cinderheart pushes her back on a plane that is going to Niagra Falls and around the world twice.*

Honeyfern:

Cinderheart: Oops. I forgot there was no plane steps there. On the bright side she will still go to Niagra!

Lionblaze: eh *eye twitching*

Cinderheart: Lion-honey, you want to go for a walk?

Lionblaze: YOU JUT ALMOST KILLED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! WHY WOULD I GO FOR A WALK WITH YOU?

Honeyfern: *Appears out of a time machine* I'm back!

Cinder&Ice: *jaw drops*

Cinderheart: *tries to push her again, but is blocked by SuperCat ninjas*

Honeyfern: Thank you boys, you can leave. And Jamie, don't forget our plan *winks*

Lionblaze: What's the plan?

Honeyfern: *whispers* getting Cinderheart a boyfriend

Lionblaze: Good plan

Cinderheart: Time for Truth or Dare! I'll go first; Lionblaze, how many she-cats have you slept with and name them.

Lionblaze: Um, 50: Blossomfall, Daisy, Millie, Cinderheart, Honeyfern, Mistystar, Silverstream, Taylor Swift, Leafpool, Squirrelflight, Tawnypelt-

Cinderheart: Woah, woah, woah! That many she-cats?

Honeyfern: Oh course not, sissy! He's only slept with one; me!

Cinderheart: goodie...

Lionblaze: Well, thats it for this chapter. Honeyfern is now a reporter, Fernpool will do her story tomorrow, Smokeclaw, Icestream, your stories will be featured tomorrow. You can still become an OC, or give in stories. WE NEED STORIES! Goodbye.

**I am a supporter of HoneyxLion**


	4. Episode 4: THe 4th Wall

**OK, I know that I'm going to get majorly flamed for this, but just read, it's going to be funny.**

Jayfeather: Hello, and welcome to G- *is tackled by Lionblaze.

Lionblaze: Shut up!

Jayfeather: Why?

Lionblaze: Because the author told us to stop breaking the 4th wall or else!

Jayfeather: Didn't you just break it?

Lionblaze: Oh yeah! Oh no! *A giant hand comes from above and takes him away* NOOOOO!

Honeyfern: *fat with kits* No! My sweetheart!

Cinderheart: Well, no one break you-know-what anymore, ok?

Everyone: OK!

Honeyfern: So what do we do now?

Cinderheart: I dunno

Jayfeather: News?

Icecloud: NO, we can't do that without breaking the-

Everyone: ICECLOUD, NO!

Icecloud: The fourth wall. *Giant hand takes icecloud away*

Honeyfern: So, no news.

*Fernpool, Ravenfeather, Fallenshadow, Featherheart, Icestream, Smokeclaw, Brambletalon, Iceshadow, Braveheart, Dovepaw, Ivypaw, and Tigerheart walk into the room*

"": Hi eyeryone!

Cats already in the room: HI.

Cinderheart: Who's gonna tell them?

Honeyfern: My kits have been born! *3 kits slide out of her belly; A copy of Lionblaze with blue eyes, A copy of Sorreltail with green eyes, and a pure white tom*

Cinderheart: *starts smiling evily* Hey, sis, can you help me on my homework?

Honeyfern: Sure, what's the question?

Cinderheart: Sure, but first, make your will.

Honeyfern: *shrugs* ok! To Jayfeather goes my Justin Beiber CD collection, To Poppyfrost goes my Flat Screen TV, To my kits goes my crystal orb, and To Cinderheart goes my kits

Jayfeather: Ya know, I would like the Twilight collection better **(AN: The book Jayfeather is on is ECLIPSE)**

Cinderheart: Ok, so what is the name of the wall that we are not supposed to break?

Honeyfern: The fourth-

ALL: HONEYFERN, NO!

Honeyfern: Wall. *Is grabbed by a giant hand*

Cinderheart: YAY! I GOT THE KITS! *A piece of paper flutters down* Hey, what's this? Oh, it's a note from Honeyfern! It says that the kits names are Sorrelkit, Lionkit, and Frostkit. Who didn't see that coming?

Fernpool: *starts doing vector dance* Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Braveheart: ...

Ravenfeather: *starts doing victory dance*

Icestream: PACKERS WON THE SUPER BOWL! IN YOUR FACE JAYFEATHER!

Jayfeather: *mad* STEELERS!

Brambletalon: I wonder what would happen if we killed the viewers?

Jayfeather: I'll tell you what'll happen. We'll get no more viewers for the show!

Fallenshadow: *holding a stick with Ashfur's head on it* Anyone want Ashfur-kabob? IT's very good. THe author gave it to me

Tigerheart: Wait, did we just break the 4th wall?

Dovepaw: We broke that a long time ago.

*Screen turn to black*

**More news will come next time. Sorry I didn't update, my computer's acting funny. Also, I'm starting a story on how the clans began. With Wind, Thunder, Shadow, and River. I'm starting that today. **

**See ya later, Mel.**


	5. Episode 5: Sleeping with Ivypool

**I'm writing this on the website, so bear with me here.**

Jayfeather: Hello, we're on the scene right now for GT breaking news!

Cinderheart: *In a cat pool with twelve toms trying to make out with her* Yes, Jayfeather! But first, Northfrost with news.

Northfrost: *Whispering* Darkstripe's gay, don't tell Tigerstar

Tigerstar watching in Dark Forest with Darkstripe next to him

Tigerstar: You never told me

Darkstripe: I never told you because I love you!

*start makeout session*

Jayfeather: That was... disturbing.

Northfrost: Ivypool has also had kits, but why do they all look like Hawkfrost? We're reporting at the scene!

Lionblaze:*at ThunderClan nursery* Why do they look like Hawkfrost?

Ivypool: Um, um, um, because Tigerstar did Goldenflower who had Tawnypelt and Brambleclaw, who Brambleclaw did Squirrelflight, who Squirrelflight did Ashfur, who did Blosomfall, who did Toadstep, who did Rosepetal, who did Bumblestripe, who did Briarlight, who did me, who did Dovewing, who did tigerheart, who did Rosepetal, who did Brambleclaw, who did me.

Lionblaze: WHAT THE BLOODY ****!

**Thats all the news for now. More coming tomorrow. I have writer's block. Sorry. Jay's Rebirth is my main story, and I'm putting all my focus on it.,**


	6. Episode 6: Niccolo Machiavelli

**Gt is back, meows! BTW, I might not update for months now. I'm got an xbox, and remember that thing on my profile. So, this is going to be a long chapter with Italian kitties and Chaio Chaio Ming. **

Jayfeather: Welcome back to Gt, blah blah blah, go meow yourself

Security cats hired by producer: ATTACK! *tackles Jayfeather and he's taken away by medics*

Everyone's shocked.

Security cat: *has italian accent* Hello. My name is Niccolo Machiavelli. I am the leader of these security cats that were employed by the producers so we can keep you ON THE FREAKING SHOWLINE! NOW GO DO A STORY! I'M THE NEW HOST! STORY BY OWLFUR NOW!

Owlfur: *in tunnels with Hollyleaf dressed up as HArry Potter* Help me!

Hollyleaf: Accio Waffles!

Owlfur: *dodges waffles* Hollyleaf got so addicted to HArry Potter that she's now yelling random spells!

Hollyleaf: Avada Kedavra!

Ashfur: *dies*

Niccolo MAchiavelli cat form: Now to Honeyfern who has a story about illegal mates!

So you said you have a story for us?"

"Sure do! It's about... illegal mates." She whispers the last part.

"Who is it?"

"Who is it? They're all over the place, kitty!"

"Example?"

"Well, everybody knows Crowfeather and Leafpool, so forget about that. But what about Firestar and Spottedleaf? First she rejected him, then vice versa, claiming only Sandstorm held his heart, butah saw them inna bar, an they waz goin at i' kitty, if ya know whatta mean. Course, youra waara, ya do."

""Your accent is getting a bit thick."

"Ah'm sorry bout that. Can't 'elp it."

"Now go on."

"An Squirrelfligh' goin' a' it wih ev'rybody, Nigh'cloud, afta she 'eard wat Crowfeatha got up ta wih Leafpool, sheh go' mad. Been goin' a' i' wih 'nybody she can ge'. Even Squirrel been gettin' competio' fro' her."

"Wow."

"An' then there tha toms. Blacksta, he one of them, wha' tha talegs call em, pedoph-ped- in-ter-ested in 'Paws, if ya get ma meanin, kitteh."

"Blackstar?"

"Yeh, Blacksta. And Bramblecla', he managas to snag a few wit 'is rep, ya know. And Ashfa, 'specially Ashfa. Only tom gettin' mo' is dat Jayfeatha. Not sure how mana he act'lly snaggin', con-sid-er-ing his lave o' dat 'tick o' 'is, bat ya neva know, afta Cinda. And Cinda... She tryin' ta get somebada, but goin' bout it all wron'. Summat-times gets em, summat-times dun. She a finny one, she is."

"Is that all?"

"Tink dere foo odders, but dats all I coulda gott'n fa ya."

"If you ever want to be a reporter."

"Sha I wald! Bat if'n ya exkuse ma'..." Accent drops. "I have to finish hunting for all the elders. Then I have to clean out the nursery. But those kits here lots of good gossip to investigate."

"Nice talking with you, Firepaw the Second."

"See yall."

**(That was written for me by Sara Darkotter)**

Niccolo Machiavelli: AND NOW WE WILL READ SECRETS OF THE IMMORTALS TOGETHA!

Cinderheart: oka- hey? What?

Niccolo Machiavelli: You heard me! We will reaad book about me with super powers!

Cinderheart: NO! *is tackled by Niccolo and taken to hospital

The rest of the cast takes out their books.

Lionblaze: Let's get reading!

Niccolo MAchiavelli: Mwah mwah mwah! And now, I shall turn into an ugly distorted version of myself, tell a hot jedi that his loved one will die, do him, make him evil, get a cool robe, cut off a couple hands, and make the hot jedi into a cool robot!

Lionblaze: Wait, but the only hot jedi here is me!

Honeyfern: You're not a jedi!

Lionblaze: *takes out a blue lightsaber* *sighs* I guess I'll go now

Niccolo Machiavelli: Not yet. First I need to mortify myself

There you go everyone. Stories and correspondents needed.


	7. Episode 7: Stumpy

**I am now updating fast again! And Nicholas Flamel DOES rock!**

Person who looks like Emperor Palpatine: *walks in death star with person, or cat, who looks like Darth VAder*

Cinderheart: WHAT THE BLOODY **** AM I ******* DOING IN **** **** HOLE! *looks at Niccolo Machiavelli(the Emperor) YOU LITTLE **** ****** ****** ****** **** BUCKET ***** **** **** HIPPOPOTAMUS ******* ***** MOTHER ******* **** **** **** DOLLAR *** *** **** IN A CASTLE RIDING A UNICORN!

Icecloud: Harsh

Honeyfern: No dur!

Icecloud: Harsh...er

Honeyfern: Go take an english class

Icecloud: ...

Emperor: No one is leaving! And do you know where this is? It is the new studio! THE DEATH STAR!

Fernpool: Whatevs

Emperor: STORMTROOPERS!

Fernpool: *is thrown into space*

Honeyfern: So, who's the Darth Vader guy?

Emperor: Lionblaze

Honeyfern: Noooo! That mean I have to die! Oh wait, I shouldn't have said that

Lionblaze: *force chokes Honeyfern*

Honeyfern: *dies*

Emperor: NOW DO YOUR STORIES!

Iceshadow: Okay! I'm Iceshadow reporting for a inside investigation on what NIghtcloud and Crowfeather do when they're alone. So, yeah

*IN WindClan bush*

NIghtcloud: Oh, Crowfeather! I didn't know you could do something like that! No! Stop! Stop! No! It's too much! No!

Iceshadow: So much for only for loyalty. Back to you

Icecloud: I'm Icecloud here for GT, and with exciting news. BLACKSTAR HAS A DATE! AND FIRESTAR HAS A NEW FORBIDDEN LOVE!

Braveheart: Isn't that the fifth this month.

Icecloud: Fifth this week. But still, do this things have anything to do with each other? Check out next time!

Berrynose: *has accent like he's all that* Hello! I'm, like, Berrystumpytail, the newest and bestest reporta in GT

Cinderheart: Best, you idiot. Go take an english class.

Berrystumpytail: I don't think so. But anyway, call me Stumpy!

**(This is the last thing I'm taking written already)**

Reporter Patchfur (me :P) recording from a secret location: Reporting for GT, this is Patchfur. Earlier this morning, Ivypaw and Dovepaw were seen dressed in red robes, shouting gibberish around the Moonpool.

*flicks switch and shows recording* Dovepaw and Ivypaw: HAIL INGLIP! HAIL INGLIP!

Patchfur: Well, I decided to take a closer look at this bizzare behaviour, and Dovepaw shared a few words.

Dovepaw: Well, Spottedleaf showed up in our dreams, saying StarClan was a lie, and so was the cake. She said Inglip, the Dark Lord of CAPTCHAs, was waiting for us to worship him and serve him, and he had promised walrus-sized bukkits of watermelon! Ivypaw was all like 'You be trollin', girl!' but she kept saying that Chuck Norris would obliterate us for not believing! So we were all like 'CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.'. Then I derped.

Patchfur: Don't you think Spottedleaf has been on Memebase a little too much?

Ivypaw: Shun the non-believer! SHUN HER!

Patchfur: This is Patchfur for GT! I'm outta here!

Emperor: THAT IS ALL FOR TODAY

**I NEED STORIES! I'm running out. Please send in stories!**


	8. Episode 8: The Life of Scourge 2

**And also, I might not use Ocs as much. I'll forget them and such.**

**And Jasmine Wanderer, if you tell me the guy in outsourced's name, I'll do the stories next episode, because I already have enough for this one.**

Stumpy: *dancing around in studio* I'm prettty princess!

Icecloud: idiot.

Stumpy: Idioter!

Icecloud: Again, TAKE AN ENGLISH CLASS!

Stumpy: I don't think so

Icecloud: IDIOT! Anyway, Fenpool at WindClan

Fernpool: *in the middle of a battlefield* Here in WindClan, Onestar has started taxing rabbits for everyone else, and not for him! Cinderheart has tried to get in, but was captured by the redcoats. Smokeclaw tried to get in as well, failed results. Finally, Firestar sent in troops to attack Onestar, but Dustpelt was captured as they busted in, screaming as he was being attacked, "Mommy, mommy."

Ferncloud: *sniggering*

Darkstripe: *still making out with Tigerstar from episode (?)*

Icecloud: And now some exciting news. Our famous show, what Crowfeather and Nightcloud do when alone, will now become a series on this show. Starting with Firestar and Sandstorm.

_Video, rolling_

Firestar and Sandstorm sitting in den

Sandstorm: *arms crossed and pouting*

Firestar: Why are you so mad?

Sandstorm: You won't make out with me!

Firestar: And?

Sandstorm: And everyone wants us to have more kits!

Firestar: Too bad. I'm too busy. *goes back to working on computer*

Sandstorm: *growls*

Firestar: cute.

Sandstorm: I'm going to go talk to Dovepaw and Ivypaw about that Inglip guy.

Firestar: Be sure to bring take out for dinner!

Sandstorm: *mock joy* Oh don't worry, I'll get the ones you like! *mutters under breath* the shrimp that makes you allergic!

Icecloud: Well that was... not surprising at all. Northfrost with news.

Northfrost: Thanks, Icecloud. Well anyway, here in the Dark Forest, Darkstripe has exposed new evil. Miley Cyrus.

DArkstipe: *dancing to party in the usa*

Mapleshade: I will kill you Darkstipe!

Darkstipe: PARTY IN THE USA!

Northfrost: THE TORTURE! HELP ME! MY EARS ARE BURNING!

Mapleshade: I used to be like that, that is, before I had ear implants.

Northfrost: Is that... possible?

Mapleshade: I really don't know. But anyway, I know what I must do. Hey Darkstripe, wanna sleep with me?

Darkstripe: HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY! IT'S A PARTY IN THE US- What? Yes! Tigerstar's becoming boring! Let's go!

Icecloud: And finally for tonight, go behind the scenes of the new movie by Graystripe studios, The Life Of Scourge, The Musical. You might remember the movie from seventy years ago, because if you don't, you'll see it next time. Aflac duck with news.

Aflac Duck: Here, we have the new stars of the movie.

Squirrelflight, as Ruby

Smudge, as Socks

Blackfoot, as Bone

Firestar, as Mysterious Person Who Gives Scourge Concussion

Molepaw, as Scourge

Next time, we will show you the movie from Graystripe Studios 1978.

**You heard them. Next time, it will be short, but again, it will be funny. **


	9. Episode 9: 911

The Emperor: *munching on cookies* Did I get eveyone's admission money?

Jaykit, Lionkit, and Hollykit: Why do you care? You're just a fat, smelly cat that eats way too many cookies for your own good.

The Emperor: STORMTROOPERS! **(AN: Whenever the emperor speaks in caps, its in a gangster accent)**

*Stormtroopers run at the kits, but the kits kick their sorry, little, white, metal-covered hindquarters*

Jaykit, Lionkit, and Hollykit: **(An: In italics, it means they're singing) **_That's what you geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet_

Hollykit: *snapping her fingers* Boom, boom, boom, I'm sassy!

Lionkit: Hey, that reminds me. _Gotta get get. Gotta get get. Gotta get get. Gotta g-g-g-get get get get get._

Hollykit: _boom boom boom_

JAykit: _gotta get get_

Hollykit: _boom boo-_

Leafpool: What the hel-

Emperor: Let's at least try to keep it at T!

Leafpool: Since when were my kits rock stars

Jaykit: Since last week when we had babies with Taylor Swift.

Leafpool: All three of you!

The Emperor: KEEP TO THE SCRIPT!

*Everyone goes into the theater, popcorn in hand*

scouge: *frolicking* Frolicking. F-r-o-l-i-c-k-i-n-g

A bomb blows up the studio. Inside the helicoper that was carrying the bomb is Scouge.

Actual Scourge: 9/11 for kitties, kitties! YOW!

*Helicopter flies away*

Lilyfeather: Holy Shi-

Emperor: KEEP IT FLIPPIN' T!

Lilyfeather: Lilyfeather here at... Somewhere. In a bar... Somewhere. Where two apprentices have become drunk. Lets investigate.

Rainbowpaw: Hey camera, there's a Brockpaw

Lilyfeather: So I'll take a leaf out of Hollykit/paw/leaf's book. Never drink kits.

Darth Lionblaze: Lionblaze here with an update from the WindClan revolution. I have come with my totally not mary-sue-ish power and have freed the prisoners, then bullied the dude into lowering taxes. By the way, I'M TOTALLY NOY A MARY-SUE!

Cinderheart: *mutters* piss-off.

*Maxinum Ride is running away from Max from Pokemon with a big butcher's knife.

**I need as many suggestions as I can get! I don't care about reviews; I just want suggestions!**


	10. Episode 10: Scarletstarsheepmore

**I'm Back! From the dead! Where I killed Edward Cullen! And put Bella in jail! Then blew up the town of Forks!**

Lionblaze: *On his Ipod looking up Jay-Lo videos*

Stumpytail: *Ditto*

Cinderheart: Oh, so JAy-Lo, huh, Berrystumpytail.

Stumpytail: JAY-LO-ER!

Cinderheart: Someone send him to grammar school. NOW. Or else they will feel the fury of Cinderheart and her squirrel army!

Dozens of squirrels come out of nowhere and climb on their master.

Cinderheart: MWAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jayfeather: Welcome to GT, with your hosts Jayfeather and Cinderheart. Now, to our first order of business- Dumbledore now offically works for Voldermolt.

Lionblaze: YOU SAID HIS NAME!

Jayfeather: Anyway, it's amazing what a bag of lemon drops can do

Cinderheart: In other news, WindClan is currently at war with the Nyan Cats. The Clan is split in two. Half the clan are in love with the Nyan Cats, and the other Half haye them. Many of the warriors are fighting over this, and in all, WindClan are knuckleheads.

Jayfeather: *Sarcastic tone* We've sent our best reporter, Mary-Shue to investigate, and thankfully, I mean sadly, she died.

Cinderheart: But the happiest thing happened today- Breezepelt was sent to Grammar School!

Jayfeather: We only have one knucklehead to go.

*Everyone looks at Stumpytail*

Stumpytail: What?

Cinderheart: Nothing...

Stumpytail: Ok...

Jayfeather: Yesterday, we were sent a message by Feathertai- I mean a special source that Crowfeather has been cheating. We have sent Scarletsheep there. Yes, she used to be Scarletstar until she became a death eater.

Scarletsheep: *dressed as death eater* meh. Scarlet_sheep _here, with news from Feathertail.

Special Contact: No! I didn't want you to reveal my name!

Jayfeather: *face-palms* You are now Scarlet__!

: I'm sorry...

Jayfeather: Sorry doesn't cut it. Cinderheart, get the bodyguards

ready.

: I'm sorry...

Jayfeather: Anyway, in the Dark Forest, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber have been banned. Half the Dark Forest population have been arrested since yesterday. I'm really worried about what kind of enemies we're facing.

Cinderheart: A list will be posted later on who got arrested.

: I'm no longer a Death Eater. Can I be Scarletsheep again?

Cinderheart: Fine.

Scarletsheep: Yay!

Cinderheart: But you have to wait till next episode.

Jayfeather: See you later, suckas!

**LIST OF ARRESTED DARK FOREST PROTEGES **

**MAPLESHADE**

**DARKSTRIPE**

**JUSTIN BIEBER**

**SNOWTUFT**

**IVYPOOL**

**SHREDTAIL**

**TIGERSTAR**

**STONEDUST**

**STEALTHDROP**

**MILEY CYRUS**

**MILLIONS MORE**

**Please, oh pretty pretty pretty please give me stories and corespondants!**


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